Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Metacritic's Role Of Shame


Just in case you are unfortunate to come across these movies in a DVD store and your nose is blocked so you can't smell the foul stench of a giant turd and you're blind so you can't see how obviously rubbish they look, and you're deaf so you can't hear people laughing at you when you pick up the box, avoid these movies at all costs. They are the all time top 20 worst reviewed movies on Metacritic with their embarrassingly low score beside them. Okay we realise Metacritic has only been going since 2000 and our claims of 'all-time' are slightly (read extremely) false but are you going to argue against us heaping extra shame on these travesties? No we thought not.

1. Bio-Dome 1996 - 1
2. Singing Forest, The 2003 - 1
3. Chaos 2005 - 3
4. Vulgar 2002 - 5
5. Strippers 2000 - 5
6. Two of a Kind 1983 - 5
7. Dirty Cop, No Donut 2001 - 6
8. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers 2004 - 6
9. Baby Geniuses 1999 - 6
10. Hottie and the Nottie, The 2008 - 7
11. Screwed 2000 - 7
12. Perception 2006 - 8
13. Price of Air, The 2000 - 8
14. State Property 2002 - 9
15. Dirty Love 2005 - 9
16. Meet the Spartans 2008 - 9
17. Alone in the Dark 2005 - 9
18. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 2004 - 9
19. Battlefield Earth 2000 - 9
20. Mail Order Bride 2003 - 9

Disclaimer: If you are deaf, and blind and have a blocked nose, we mean no offence but hey, you won't be reading this so screw you.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Happy Birthday Lebowski


It's 10 years since The Big Lebowski was released in cinemas and in celebration, a 10 year anniversary DVD is being released. Buy it. Simple as that. Even if you have it already, it's hopelessly vanilla and pointless (we prefer our dusty VHS copy - at least you know where it stands on the extras front).

The Big Lebowski isn't just a great movie, it's a cultural phenomenon and a case study in how the reputation of a movie can build slowly but surely and consistently over 10 years to the point where nobody will ever be able to order a White Russian again without somebody quoting a Lebowski line. As the latest issue of Rolling Stone points out, the movie wasn't even that well received on release. It didn't appear to have a big message, a brooding intensity (like Blood Simple) or a warm heart in a cold world (like Fargo). On the surface it just appeared to be a simple comedy. And even at that, it was a comedy which, on first viewing wasn't that funny. There were very few sight gags, very few slapstick moments, very few crass taboo-breaking gross-out moments. It was surreal and confusing and densely plotted. We can see why it was a hard sell and a relative box-office failure.

But with every viewing, this movie just gets funnier. The details. It's all in the details. The endlessly quotable dialogue reveals new jokes with every viewing. The plot invites repeat visits with each scene seemling like a brilliant short movie. The supporting cast all look like they are dropping in for a cameo from some equally bizarre Coen Bothers movie that is going on in a parallel dimension (John Turturro even wants to make that movie about his Jesus character).

What some critics failed to see was that this is a brilliant updating or even a parody of classic noir like The Big Heat. A rich powerful man (who in the case of The Big Heat is in a wheelchair like Lebowski) calls on the hero and gets him embroiled in a case with impossibly convoluted twists, turns, vamps and femme fatales involving murder, and double crosses. The reluctant hero must sort his friends from his enemies while solving the case and nothing is what it seems. Take that classic noir template and move it to sunny, daytime California and thrust it upon the least likely hero possible. A person who just doesn't belong in this high stakes world. A person who doesn't even believe in stakes. A person who just doesn't care. A person who is lazy. The Dude! The Coens new that would be comedy gold and they were proved right. This is Sunny Noir. Noir for beach bums.

To say the film doesn't have a message or a heart is trite. The message is simple. Just like Fargo, in a world of immoral nihilism, greed and double crosses, where everyone is out for themselves, it is after all - as our cowboy narrator says - good to know that The Dude is out there taking it easy for all of us. There are people who may seem like failures or losers but quite often, they are simply good people who don't hold personal agendas or greedy ambitions. They live and let live it's good to know they're out there. Not everyone is on the hustle. That's why we all want to be a bit more like The Dude. It's not just about getting to drink White Russians in your dressing gown.

* See above for a cool video on the top 5 ways the Lebowski legend has evolved in the past 10 years.*